The gap between what happened and what we think happened can destroy relationships.

A recent workplace exchange shows what can happen when assumptions replace questions. A hiring delay occurred. One leader saw lateness and unprofessionalism. Behind the scenes? Surgery. A family death. Contractual changes no one communicated.

This isn’t about who was right. It’s about what gets lost when we choose assumptions over curiosity, and email over conversation.

What communication actually costs:

• Trust – Once you’ve been harsh in writing, the relationship changes. Apologies don’t fully undo what was said.
• Context – Email strips away tone, circumstance, and humanity. What feels “curt” to you might be devastating to receive.
• Engagement – The person on the receiving end shuts down. They disengage, withdraw, and stop bringing their best. Not out of spite—out of self-protection.
• Culture – Teams watch how leaders treat each other. This affects how everyone else communicates.

What great communicators do differently:

• They get curious before they get critical
• They pick up the phone when tone matters
• They ask themself “What am I missing?” before sending the hard email
• They remember there’s a human on the other side

Try this:

Next time frustration has you drafting a sharp email, pause. Pick up the phone. Lead with questions, not conclusions. Give people the benefit of context before you give them your critique.

Because good people create great companies—and great companies are built on communication that honors the whole person, not just the problem in front of you.